• iamDoris

How to be a REAL friend

Here's a little bit about me that you may not know: I have moved around A LOT in my life. I grew up with a dad who always got head hunted to bigger and better hotels to manage, so, we moved around the province quite a bit. I went to 7 different schools before I hit high school, and although it was definitely difficult and challenging at times to move and leave my world behind, it also taught me how to make friends really quickly and easily. I'm not the cool girl, nor will I ever be. I made friends with the "losers". I sat with the dorks. I got made fun of, I got pushed into lockers and down stairs. I got my car keyed for parking in the "wrong" parking lot. I was never a cool kid. But, I was always the friendly one. The shy one who ALWAYS got told to speak up in class. I LOVE making new friends. I LOVE talking to people and asking them questions that maybe no one has ever asked them before. I'm kind of known around my little town for "asking friends out". If I like your vibe I will flat out tell you I want to be your friend and that we should hang out and totally give you my number. But, making friends as an adult is 100% different than as a kid. Adults are far more weary then children are and they already have "enough" friends. Especially now with technology in the way and ESPECIALLY now with social distancing in the way. But, through this social distancing I have learnt what a true friend really is.



A real friend says shit to your face and only says nice things about you "behind your back". A real friend encourages you and tells you you're amazing. A real friend checks in on you to make sure you're doing ok. A real friend understands that some days are harder then others and always offers to lend a hand or an ear. A real friend makes you laugh. A real friend holds you when you cry and then lifts you up and tells you you're awesome. I've had a few amazing friends throughout my lifetime whom I thought would be there forever, unfortunately, I lost quite a few through moves and some just because life happens and they weren't meant to be in my life for any longer. But, the most important thing that I've learnt is that a real friend is 100% trustworthy. If you tell your friend a secret you better believe they're going to keep it to themselves. If someone talks about others behind their backs negatively, chances are they're going to talk about you too. Remember that lesson. That's a hard one to learn. Trust me.


A real friend says shit to your face and only says nice things about you "behind your back".



I used to want to be friends with everybody. I thought that was the best thing ever. I've learnt that that is actually impossible. You can't be friends with everybody, because then you're actually friends with no one. You can be nice to everyone! But, choose your friends wisely. Now, don’t get me wrong. You can always go up to a friend and say “hey this person really hurt my feelings. Can you help me out?” Sometimes people need to talk about a situation to help them understand it from a different perspective. And that’s ok. The problem lies with gossiping and sharing secrets and negative talk about others when to their face they’re friendly and loving. That’s not how to be a supportive friend at all. I’ve been on both ends of this. I’m not here claiming to be perfect. In fact, I’m just really starting to see and feel the difference between true friendships and convenient “friendships”. It used to make me feel so special when someone would “trust” me with someone else’s secrets or if they said shit about them to me ”that must mean I’m their best friend!” Oh, how naive I was. You’re not someone’s friend if you don’t stick up for them when they’re not there to defend themselves. AGAIN, louder for the people in the back - you are NOT a good friend if you don’t stick up for your friends. My circle has gotten significantly smaller over the years and I am actually really really happy about it. I have some of the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. They truly care about me and my family. They’re incredibly supportive and always offering their help in anyway they can. They’re loving and encouraging. They’re brilliant and beautiful.


I am an only child. Which means my friends have always been like family to me. I don’t know what it’s like to have a sibling, sometimes I wish I did because I see that incredible bond that people have with their blood relatives. I have always treated my friends like siblings and honestly, I’ve been let down by a lot of people by simply expecting the same treatment in return. I have come to accept that siblings have a deeper connection that is very important and friendships may come close to that bond but, maybe never quite the same.


What I have learnt through this social distancing program is this: real friends care. A real friend will be there for you no matter what. I've had friends leave me at my worst, when I was going through the hardest things in life. I've also had friends leave me at my best! When I was at an all time high, and having the best time ever in life. Friends are gems, there's lots out there but only a few are good enough for you to consider rare and beautiful.


Maybe during this time of distancing from one another we can actually begin to bond more and become greater friends. I've definitely become closer with a few of my friends throughout this time. And I've also had the time to really evaluate what is "essential" in a friend. Karma is a bitch (only if you are), so, I've felt her wrath on the friend front and I see now how it feels to be on the receiving end of gossip and being cut out of lives and let me tell you - it f@cking sucks! I from now on refuse to be the person to EVER make someone else feel this way. My vibrational level will not lower to that point. I am committed to raising my frequency as much as I possibly can each and every day. If I ever hurt you in the past and you're reading this, I am so very sorry, please know that I am working on bettering myself. If you ever hurt me in the past, I forgive you and I wish you nothing but the best in life.


May we live our lives to the fullest and be the most amazing friends we can be to one another. Spread LOVE and LIGHT to everyone we meet and know. This is how we can truly heal.

All my love and light,

Dori


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